8 Signs You Are No Longer Aligned With Someone

Even though you still love them

Most of us have been conditioned since an early age that we need to live a certain way. This path generally includes getting a well-paid job, finding a partner, buying a house, and having children. This way, we are most valuable to society.

We will pay our taxes, are stuck with a mortgage for life, and work our way into depth for our kids, who are waiting for the same predicament.

We put so much emphasis on finding a partner at a young age to complete this narrative that we think we are failing if we don’t encounter one.

To be honest, I also believe that for many of us it’s important to have a romantic partner. There’s a reason why all our movies, books, and songs revolve around love.

But why rush it so much?

You’re not a failure for waiting for the One

Even though there is a certain time limit on finding your partner (if you are a woman and want kids), our society makes us believe that you have failed in life when you’re single for a long time.

There’s a lot of pressure on us to find somebody at an early age, because “all the good ones will be taken if you wait too long”.

This creates a romantic pool of people desperate to find their forever love. But we haven’t even learned any life lessons yet when we’re young. We’re operating from a total lack of awareness.

We probably get attracted to partners that subconsciously remind us of our childhood. There’s nothing wrong with that, but these types of attraction often resemble a toxic pattern.

We get addicted to the serotonin and dopamine our partners provide, and actively ignore red flags because of that.

Believe in divine timing

One result of our society is that we have lost touch with our own intuition. We don’t believe in higher forces guiding us from within anymore.

We are very pragmatic and are told that magic does not exist. But if you are totally quiet and just observe around you… You will see that magic is everywhere.

I believe the Universe sends us signals and synchronicities all the time. But we learned not to pay attention to them. After all, a person believing in their own intuition is useless to society.

That person wouldn’t buy into the fears they are telling us, nor be on the chase for always wanting more (more money, more status, more women, more power, more clothes, more jewelry — the list is endless).

And if you stop being a consumer, you stop being valuable to the system.

Recognizing synchronicities

Divine timing exists. If there is one thing I learned after my spiritual awakening, it is that all you can do is surrender. Believe there is a plan for you. Believe everything happens for a reason — it’s all to make your soul grow.

The Universe (or God, Allah, Source, Buddha, Krishna, or whatever you want to call it) sends us signs all the time.

You probably had those typical moments when you were thinking about someone, and they suddenly reached out. Or your plans failed, but the detour caused a necessary shift in your life. Maybe you had a very strong feeling you had to take another route to work, and therefore missed a big accident.

Perhaps, you keep seeing the phrase “Let go” in songs, books, and conversations, signaling you need to release control.

Those are all signs from the Universe, and they are not coincidences.

Maybe you were dreaming of an ex just before they contact you, or receive an insight in a dream that helps solve a problem. What about premonitions that turned out to actually happen?

Even déjà vu can be a sign from the Universe about another life you were living, and you suddenly remembered something. Sudden feelings are also signs: you walk into a house and feel a deep peace (or discomfort) without a logical explanation.

When you pay attention to these signals, you will notice that the Universe shows you when you’re not aligned with someone.

Signs the Universe Sends When You Are Not Meant to Be With Someone

Since we’re so focused on partnership, it’s hard to walk away when the time is right. We try to change the other person, blame it on attachment styles, or pay an expensive therapist to help us out.

But our souls already know. Here are some signs you should learn to recognize:

1. You feel drained after spending time with them

Energy is real. We constantly react to each other’s soul energy — it’s the reason why you are drawn to certain people and want to stay far away from others.

If your partner makes you feel empty all the time, this is a big sign that you are not aligned. Maybe you get a headache after talking to them. Or fatigue kicks in when you spend time with them.

Don’t ignore these signs. After all, the body keeps the score.

2. You’re getting a lot of setbacks

Synchronicities are not just coincidences. They are signs that things are (not) aligning. Or you’ll get signs about things that constantly fall apart.

Missed appointments, canceled plans, traffic jams that prevent you from getting to your partner; pay attention.

If there is a constant disruption of flow, this is a sign you’re not aligned. This can also manifest in the form of having endless discussions or constantly being misunderstood by your partner.

3. Your intuition is trying to reach you

This is an important sign you shouldn’t ignore. It can be an inner knowing, a gut feeling, an upset stomach, or anything that just feels “off”.

This is a sign trying to grab your attention. Maybe you have heavy dreams about your partner, or instantly become irritated when they are around you.

Your intuition knows it before you do and is making your body respond. Don’t push it away.

4. You don’t grow with them

We all walk certain paths in life. Some people never overcome their traumas. Some people will always project their pain onto others. Some will have addictions that they keep for the rest of their lives.

But if you are healing and doing the inner work, and they are not, your paths are separating. If they constantly fall back into old patterns and don’t want to change anything, it’s time to let them go.

Your values are (becoming) different from theirs, and this cannot create a harmonious relationship.

5. The lessons keep repeating

You always get into the same discussion. Always have a fight about the same thing. Keep stumbling on miscommunication with them. Your growth is not growing with them anymore, and you are stuck in the same patterns.

This is a big sign that you are not aligned anymore. The lesson keeps repeating itself until you learn it. When one of you doesn’t learn, your paths are separating, and something much better is waiting for you.

6. It feels like an addiction

Any sort of addiction is bad. This includes an addiction to your partner. If you feel you can’t live without them, that your whole day revolves around them, and every little thing they do affects you immensely — that’s not healthy.

You are not aligned with your partner; you’re acting from trauma. You need them to not feel lonely and would do anything to make them stay. These types of patterns are big lessons about your childhood and have nothing to do with real love.

7. You don’t like who you are around them

This is a massive sign often overlooked. You realize you don’t like yourself when you are with them. Maybe you are mean to them, get very controlling, and want them to constantly change something.

When you are a genuinely nice person to others, but your partner brings out the worst in you, don’t take this lightly. They might trigger your deepest shadows and wounds, and even though this is a sign you need to work on yourself as well, it can mean your partner is so unaligned with you that you dislike yourself completely.

8. You are waiting for them to change

The Universe wants us to accept what is, not what could be. True love is loving someone for who they are right now, not for their potential they could be in the future.

If you only stay with someone because you think they will change at some point, don’t. Only you are the one who can change yourself — don’t wait for them to do the work.

Walk away when you don’t like who they are right now. It’s not your responsibility to change them or heal them.

Know when it’s time to walk away

Some people come for a reason, others for a season, and a few rare ones for a lifetime. Our general approach to relationships is not to just give up. Keep loving your partner, and they will eventually change.

But it doesn’t work like that. You need to change. If the Universe is constantly sending you signals, it’s time to recognize them and move on.

It’s no crime to give up on someone. Actually, it’s the only right thing to do sometimes. You are preventing their growth, plus your own, by staying with somebody who is not aligned.

The Universe has all these amazing things for you in mind, but if you fail to listen to the first signs, you will never get it.

Eventually, you just settle for less and blame it on the situation. But the only one to blame is yourself for staying. We can only work on ourselves; no one else causes our problems. It’s all about how you perceive them.

Trust that by closing one door, another one will open for you.

---

My Anxious & Avoidant Shadow Work Journal is a great first step to becoming aware of your own attachment issues, so you can start healing.

It is available as a digital download or as a print journal, in case you are interested in learning about yourself through shadow work.