How Birth Control Makes Women Pick the Wrong Men
My choice of men changed drastically when I removed my IUD
When I was almost 15 years old, I got my first period (yep, I was late). And three months later, I was put on birth control. Not because I was planning to have sex, but according to the doctor, it would help me stabilize my period and hormones.
Three months.
That’s how long it took my GP to decide I was supposed to have a regular menstruation. As a teen, I applauded the decision — after all, it would help me get rid of my acne and belong to the ‘popular kids’ group. All the girls were taking “the pill” in my high school, of course, I didn’t want to be left behind.
Since then, I haven’t been without birth control for one single day, until at 33 years old, I decided it was enough.
I have switched to numerous brands of pills, each with its own side effects. And for the last 10 years, I had the hormonal Mirena® IUD (Intrauterine Device) non-stop inserted in my pelvis.
A change in sexual desire
When I was 27, I got into a new relationship. I remember very well when it started because it was the first month of my second IUD.
Before changing it, I didn’t like this particular guy. He was my housemate and my best friend, but I never saw myself in a relationship with him.
That changed when I got my IUD replaced. The old Mirena had been inside of me for 6 years, and the hormonal effects had worn off, so it was time for a new one. I realized it when my bleeding returned, which had been suppressed since I got it.
It was after the switch that I started to develop a sexual desire for him, eventually leading to our relationship. The artificial hormones made me choose a partner that was never meant for me.
Picking the wrong partner
The fact that I picked the wrong partner became painfully clear three years after changing my IUD. My own hormones slowly started to come back to normal, and my desire for my boyfriend dropped significantly.
At first, I didn’t blame it on the IUD. After all, we were already together for three years, so it could also be a natural libido decline. But what got me worried was the fact that I wasn’t just losing interest; I was disgusted after having sex with him.
It made me feel so bad about myself that I started Googling. I came across a forum thread where 1000s of women experienced the same issue with their partners. They all had one thing in common: hormonal birth control changes.
I started to go back to key events in my diary during my first IUD, and came to a shocking conclusion: the type of guys I had been attracted to changed during the course of my IUD.
Research suggests the same
I am not the only person who experienced this while on hormonal birth control. According to numerous studies, women ( as well as men) change their attraction while the female is on birth control. In an article written by Natural Woman Hood, they explain:
Surveys were given to both the male and female partners at various stages: while fertile, non-fertile, and while using hormonal contraceptives. As predicted, men rated their partners as being more attractive while fertile than while contracepting.
This suggests that men are more attracted to fertile females who are not on birth control. Another study, done about female lap dancers, concluded that non-birth-control ladies earn $20 USD per hour MORE than their contraceptive colleagues.
So, men subconsciously even pay more to women who are not using birth control. And it goes further: men also find themselves less attractive while being with a partner who is using contraceptives.
A negative side effect for our offspring
When a male and female are both in their natural state, they pick partners who create the strongest children. This means that a woman usually chooses a masculine man who can provide in various ways for her and her kids.
But while on birth control, this changes completely.
Women using contraception tend to prefer men with similar immunity genes as themselves, whereas naturally cycling women are drawn to men with opposite DNA. So women on birth control are selecting more feminine men who have less testosterone.
The strongest offspring have a wide variety of immunity genes, so they can fight off as many different diseases as possible. This is not the case if a woman chooses a man with genes similar to hers. In short, this means that our birth control arguably makes the human race weaker and more prone to illness.
No wonder I got less attracted to my partner when the IUD hormones started wearing off — I had picked a man that would create weak children.
Enough of this
The IUD ultimately made me end the relationship because I had no single piece of attraction left for my boyfriend. After that, I still kept my IUD for another two years until I decided it was enough.
I felt like I didn’t even know the real woman I was supposed to be. After all, I had been on birth control since I was 15 years old — who was I really?
So I went to my GP and asked him to remove it. But I didn’t expect the backlash I got from him. He used all sorts of medical arguments to convince me not to remove it — “I did not want to mess up my hormones again, did I?? How else was I going to protect myself from getting pregnant?”
But preventing pregnancy was not a reason enough to keep my hormonal device. I felt in all my body that I had to get this plastic thing out of me. My ovulations had become incredibly painful, and during those days, my IUD was oozing in my belly.
Everything about it felt completely unnatural. I had to get it out.
A natural woman
I switched to a female doctor, and she completely understood me. Ten minutes later, my IUD was out. She said it could take months to get my natural cycle back, but I immediately started having my period exactly every 28 days.
I had not anticipated how much of a natural woman I finally felt while bleeding. I almost never had a period all my life since my birth control had always prevented it. It was one of the reasons I used to love it when I was younger; never having to use tampons or think about my menstruation ever.
But as soon as I removed it, when I was 33, my cycle was more welcome than ever. It even started syncing with the full moon, showing me how much in tune with nature I was becoming. There is so much to learn about the female cycle and the natural rhythms of the Earth, and it’s amazing to feel so connected to it.
My cycle is so incredibly regular that I can feel the exact day that I am fertile, thus preventing pregnancy naturally and making me completely in tune with my body.
Never going back
At this moment, I have been without birth control for four years, and I’ve experienced many changes. My mood swings are now linked to my period, telling me exactly when I am in my best moments to get stuff done. And also when I should take extra care of myself.
My productivity is synced to my cycle, and so are my social settings. I honor my introvert-ness a little more when I am about to bleed, and I thrive when I am ovulating. I get shit done during my fertile days, instead of pushing through when I am in my luteal phase (between ovulation and menstruation).
Men are generally more attracted to me as well. My friends often comment on what makes me so ‘magnetic’ to guys. I guess it’s their natural draw to fertile women — something they are not even consciously aware of.
We need more education
I completely understand how revolutionary female birth control was when it was introduced back in the 1950s. It gave girls power over their own bodies and allowed them to get into universities and demanding jobs, instead of being pregnant all the time.
I also understand the importance of the pill in developing countries, where unwanted pregnancies and rape are still sky-high. It gives women a chance to protect themselves.
And of course, for some women, birth control can be a welcome change to otherwise painful periods.
But our current education and the research done about the long-term effects of birth control are lacking. I wish more young girls were taught about our natural cycles and that it is completely fine to bleed.
Fortunately, more and more women are standing up and educating others about it. Even in business, cycle syncing with productivity is finally being discovered.
No regrets
I haven’t regretted my decision to be completely natural again for a single moment. I am using a menstrual cup when I bleed, which does not contain any of the toxins often found in tampons. And it’s much more sustainable, too.
My body and hormones feel like mine again, and I am way more connected spiritually to my cycle, as well.
I am curious, have you experienced changes since getting off birth control? Has the attraction to your partner changed?