Two years ago, I lost $2,000 USD in a scam. I had booked an apartment on an online booking platform (Booking), which turned out to be published by scammers. My card got charged in a foreign currency that I didn’t know the exchange rate for. And because I entered my PIN the moment I was charged, when I was physically in the apartment, the bank couldn’t help me get it back.
Two thousand dollars is a lot of money for me. I had saved that money to enjoy a month of remote working in the Dominican Republic. And it was gone in a second.
Money is a major theme in my life. I am afraid to spend it. I have always lived on a budget, and I am always losing hours of my time to find the best deals just to save a few bucks. A part of me believes I will end up poor if I spend money.
So, as soon as I realized my account had been charged such a high amount, the previous version of me would have panicked. But the current version of me — the one who has done a lot of inner work — took a deep breath and took a step back from the situation.
I told myself everything happens for a reason. Did it suck? Yes, big time. Would my life be in danger by losing this? No.
Inviting gratefulness
I started to invite gratefulness into my mind. At least I had this money. Many people can’t even lose that amount, because they simply don’t even have it. Especially in a country like the Dominican Republic, where people make an average of $340 USD a month.
I felt very grateful that nothing worse happened. I could have been raped, brutally robbed, and even killed. After all, I had gotten into a strange pimped-up car with two young tattooed guys who were supposed to bring me to the apartment (I know, stupid move). I was at their full disposal the moment their car door closed with me in the backseat.
Maybe the Universe had done me a favor for letting them take just $2,000 USD, instead of my body or my life. I would never know what could have happened if my card hadn’t worked, or if my bank had blocked the transaction. It was something to be grateful for.
The life lesson that everyone should follow
This story is a simple example of a big life lesson that will make living a lot easier for everyone.
Stop trying to control things.
Controlling a situation will only make it worse. You cannot control anything in life. Whether that’s being dumped, losing money, not landing the job you wanted, getting fired, losing a loved one … you simply can’t control it.
Life slips out of your hands when you try to control things. Alan Watts called this ‘trying to grip water’. Instead, let it flow the way it wants to. There is a silver lining in every situation that comes your way. Maybe something incredible happens because your worst fear came true.
The Universe never takes something from you without replacing it with something better.
But as long as you try to control the situation, you won’t have space for that better thing to enter.
I have countless examples of people I know who can’t let go of control. They try everything in their power to achieve what they think they want. Some are chasing that dream job, some are jumping through countless medical hoops to get pregnant, some are spending thousands of dollars and hours trying to get their business off the ground.
And the only result is more anxiety. More desire for that thing they are trying to achieve. In the meantime, they don’t see that everything happens at the perfect time.
How often do you hear people getting pregnant the moment they gave up? How many times have you heard a story that during somebody's greatest misery, their biggest blessing entered their life?
Flow with life
My boss, who took his house off the market because he got so frustrated, sold it for more than he was asking for a few months later (and then regretted it). My coworker, who was told she could only get pregnant with IVF, naturally conceived her second child a year after the painful procedure for her firstborn. My friend, who got suddenly fired from her dream job, started her own business and is now making six figures.
It’s not easy to let go of control. After all, it makes you feel safe to think you are behind the steering wheel.
It made me feel safe not to spend money, but the anxiety of losing it was always present. And then I lost it all.
The Universe has a funny way of teaching us things that will make us grow. Whatever you desire outside yourself is a recipe for failure. Because the truth is, when you achieve that actual thing, you will realize that it isn’t bringing you the happiness you desired.
Instead, allow life to bring you everything you need at the exact right time. If you can’t find the perfect partner, stop the chase and use this time to work on yourself. If you get fired, take an honest look at why it happened and start to improve that part of yourself first. And if there is really nothing you did wrong, be grateful to not have that toxic job anymore.
If you get dumped, accept it and learn from the heartbreak. If your business keeps failing, maybe it’s time to try a completely different path or work for a company again for a while.
You don’t need what you think you need
My whole life, I’ve tried to control my spending. Losing so much money in a stupid scam made me take an honest look at my financial life. What was the real lesson behind this situation?
Of course, it goes deeper for me than just losing that money. For me, money equals freedom.
I’ve been traveling the world for the last 15 years and have never earned more than 15K a year. I am 38 years old, have seen 50+ countries, have lived on sailing yachts, spent nights in million-dollar homes, and never had a full-time job for more than one year since my mid-twenties.
Why did I think I needed to save all my money? The Universe was already gifting me all these incredible experiences without even having money in the first place.
Life has always provided me with whatever I wanted, naturally. When I started to get greedy and kept the money that I did have for myself, this lesson happened.
Money is energy and should flow. I stopped the flow by trying to keep it safe.
Embrace your biggest fear
So the Universe forced the money out of me. And I couldn’t have done anything to control it. In fact, control would have made the situation worse. I would have spent the rest of my vacation trying to get the money back. I would have been pissed at the Dominican Republic for ‘ruining’ my month away. I would have made angry phone calls to my bank to rectify the situation, making me feel even more out of control.
But instead, I made a conscious effort to be grateful. Grateful for even having the opportunity to spend a month in a beautiful country. Grateful for having had that money in my bank account in the first place. Grateful for still being alive and not traumatized by all the worse things that could have happened to me in that apartment.
And especially grateful for not trying to control the situation, like a previous version of me would have done. Who knows what good will come out of it eventually? Maybe that money saved a person’s life in the Dominican Republic.
But as long as I’m trying to control it, new doors can’t be opened.
Control is a protection mechanism
I’m not saying you should let go of all the reins and never take action anymore. Conscious effort is different than control.
But wanting to control situations that are out of your hands is an inner core wound. Probably, in your younger years, it didn’t feel safe to just let life happen. So you promised yourself you wouldn’t accept that as an adult. You never want to feel that insecurity anymore, and you want to protect yourself from things happening to you.
But what if everything happens for you?
My money fear doesn’t come from being poor. My fear stems from an emotional money wound that I had deep inside of me, from the way my family handled money and how my mum was completely financially dependent on my dad. I wanted to save all my money so that I didn’t have to depend on anyone ever.
That is where more inner work needs to be done for me.
How to let things flow?
It’s easier said than done to let things flow. But I promise you that life will get so much easier when you do. Many surprises will come your way that you wouldn’t have dreamt of.
It might not be the thing you wanted so badly, but it’s the thing you needed. Try to see a lesson in every situation, and don’t force things. Practice letting go with meditation and mindfulness, and be present in the current moment.
Nothing in the future will make you happy. Life happens right now. Breathe in, breathe out, and let go of control.
If you’re craving a deeper connection with yourself and feel ready to begin again, I highly recommend this course*. If you’re longing for a reset, this might be just what you need.
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