12 Comments
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Priscilla Mugo's avatar

This is poignant and so intuitive! Commitment to growth is a gold standard, and I think we aren't as intentional about this as we need to be (as adults). The green flag I keep coming back to in relationships is someone who can hear “that hurt me” without immediately needing to defend themselves.

You can be imperfect, have bad days, get things wrong, and still be a good partner. What matters is what happens after the inevitable stuff goes sideways.

Can we talk about it? Can you own your part? Can I do the same? Can we intentionally change something afterwards? Without that, we aren't going anywhere good.

Yvette Brand's avatar

Yes, totally! Nobody is perfect and we all carry wounds from the past, but being able to talk about it and grow after that is so important :)

Pypers's avatar

I’ve been thinking about a past relationship a lot lately. This article reminded me to not romanticise the past and to be honest about the reality of the relationship. He never had the willingness to repair every time had a conflict. Thanks for the reminder!

Yvette Brand's avatar

So glad it gave you the reminder you needed! Indeed, no willingness to repair is a big red flag…

Ali Begun's avatar

As I was reading (and your text is beautiful BTW) all I could think was… how can I also provide (with honesty to myself, and not pretending that I I’m a green flag) this flags to the ones I love staring with myself 🫰🏼

Yvette Brand's avatar

Thanks, Ali! I think having the capacity to always look at the things we do ourselves first is a huge green flag!

Alma's Whispers's avatar

Your description of being a fearful avoidant was like looking in a mirror! I've known all these green flags, but as you put it, due to my attachment style jeopardised or ignored such flags. Thanks for putting this reminder. 💫

Yvette Brand's avatar

Glad it resonated it and it helped :)

Cyndi Stuart's avatar

I just subscribed! This one caught my eye immediately, so I’m saving it to read when I can actually sit down and enjoy it. Looking forward to digging in. 🌸

Yvette Brand's avatar

Thank you for subscribing, Cyndi! Glad to have you here, hope you will like the article :)

Cloudia's avatar

I love this! Such a digestable understanding of Jungian theory. The quote “ safe love feels like a warm bath “ resonates so well too! I will be thinking of this often

Yvette Brand's avatar

Thank you!! I am glad it resonated :)