This is poignant and so intuitive! Commitment to growth is a gold standard, and I think we aren't as intentional about this as we need to be (as adults). The green flag I keep coming back to in relationships is someone who can hear “that hurt me” without immediately needing to defend themselves.
You can be imperfect, have bad days, get things wrong, and still be a good partner. What matters is what happens after the inevitable stuff goes sideways.
Can we talk about it? Can you own your part? Can I do the same? Can we intentionally change something afterwards? Without that, we aren't going anywhere good.
I really enjoyed this. We often focus so much on red flags that we forget to notice the quiet signs of a healthy relationship. Emotional safety, consistency and genuine respect really do say so much about long-term compatibility.
I have found a healthy relationship with safe love.
A few hours before reading this we were in the couch and he touch my arm. I told him, "I love how warm you are." He proceeded to say, "Thank you. I'm happy you appreciate it." After I looked at him and said, "When you touch me it feels like a warm bath."
To read this a few hours later, and you use the agy. "Safe love is like a warm bath." My heart filled with even more gratitude for his warm touch.
Thank you for bringing some synchronicity to my day.
Have you done the shadowwork guided workbook? I stumbled upon it completely by accident and it was wow…I realized there were many things I didn’t know how to name
Do you mean the anxious and avoidant shadow workbook? Because I wrote that myself :) I have done several ones and put all my knowledge into the one that I created myself: http://www.innershadow.org. If that’s the one you are talking about I am so glad it helped!
I’ve been thinking about a past relationship a lot lately. This article reminded me to not romanticise the past and to be honest about the reality of the relationship. He never had the willingness to repair every time had a conflict. Thanks for the reminder!
As I was reading (and your text is beautiful BTW) all I could think was… how can I also provide (with honesty to myself, and not pretending that I I’m a green flag) this flags to the ones I love staring with myself 🫰🏼
Your description of being a fearful avoidant was like looking in a mirror! I've known all these green flags, but as you put it, due to my attachment style jeopardised or ignored such flags. Thanks for putting this reminder. 💫
I just subscribed! This one caught my eye immediately, so I’m saving it to read when I can actually sit down and enjoy it. Looking forward to digging in. 🌸
I love this! Such a digestable understanding of Jungian theory. The quote “ safe love feels like a warm bath “ resonates so well too! I will be thinking of this often
This is poignant and so intuitive! Commitment to growth is a gold standard, and I think we aren't as intentional about this as we need to be (as adults). The green flag I keep coming back to in relationships is someone who can hear “that hurt me” without immediately needing to defend themselves.
You can be imperfect, have bad days, get things wrong, and still be a good partner. What matters is what happens after the inevitable stuff goes sideways.
Can we talk about it? Can you own your part? Can I do the same? Can we intentionally change something afterwards? Without that, we aren't going anywhere good.
Yes, totally! Nobody is perfect and we all carry wounds from the past, but being able to talk about it and grow after that is so important :)
I really enjoyed this. We often focus so much on red flags that we forget to notice the quiet signs of a healthy relationship. Emotional safety, consistency and genuine respect really do say so much about long-term compatibility.
It does right! Thanks for reading 🙂
I have worked so hard on myself that I won't accept anything less than what I deserve. If that means being on my own, so be it.
Yess! I feel the same!!
Hmmm 🤔 interesting.
I have found a healthy relationship with safe love.
A few hours before reading this we were in the couch and he touch my arm. I told him, "I love how warm you are." He proceeded to say, "Thank you. I'm happy you appreciate it." After I looked at him and said, "When you touch me it feels like a warm bath."
To read this a few hours later, and you use the agy. "Safe love is like a warm bath." My heart filled with even more gratitude for his warm touch.
Thank you for bringing some synchronicity to my day.
What a nice story! I love it when other women find a healthy relationship and it feels like this :) Thanks for sharing!
Number 5 is arguably the most important. A healthy relationship cannot survive with ego.
Yes, 100%!
Have you done the shadowwork guided workbook? I stumbled upon it completely by accident and it was wow…I realized there were many things I didn’t know how to name
Do you mean the anxious and avoidant shadow workbook? Because I wrote that myself :) I have done several ones and put all my knowledge into the one that I created myself: http://www.innershadow.org. If that’s the one you are talking about I am so glad it helped!
Idk specifically which one. I’ve only discovered there are so many different kinds.
I’ve been thinking about a past relationship a lot lately. This article reminded me to not romanticise the past and to be honest about the reality of the relationship. He never had the willingness to repair every time had a conflict. Thanks for the reminder!
So glad it gave you the reminder you needed! Indeed, no willingness to repair is a big red flag…
As I was reading (and your text is beautiful BTW) all I could think was… how can I also provide (with honesty to myself, and not pretending that I I’m a green flag) this flags to the ones I love staring with myself 🫰🏼
Thanks, Ali! I think having the capacity to always look at the things we do ourselves first is a huge green flag!
Your description of being a fearful avoidant was like looking in a mirror! I've known all these green flags, but as you put it, due to my attachment style jeopardised or ignored such flags. Thanks for putting this reminder. 💫
Glad it resonated it and it helped :)
I just subscribed! This one caught my eye immediately, so I’m saving it to read when I can actually sit down and enjoy it. Looking forward to digging in. 🌸
Thank you for subscribing, Cyndi! Glad to have you here, hope you will like the article :)
I love this! Such a digestable understanding of Jungian theory. The quote “ safe love feels like a warm bath “ resonates so well too! I will be thinking of this often
Thank you!! I am glad it resonated :)